Pour Some Sugar on Me

This weekend, I have every intention of putting myself into a self-induced sugar coma. (Just bought supplies for this special endeavor- and no Dorothee, I won't hand them over). If successful, and I get to jittery- I have new books in my room to keep me out of the way. But with enough sugar I think it eventually coats your heart and things don't hurt as much. I appreicate all the support from my friends. Since my post yesterday I did get some new information. There is one thing which, for the last six months this has been tearing me up, I had not been told. I found out that this trip was originally a Nikki and Toby trip which my parents butted in* on. So technically it was not a "family" trip to begin with. It just turned into one. Does that make it right?

Not sure. I do know two things:

1.) I should have been told about this little fact.

2.) It should have come from my family.

(Though my informant is close to being family)

I still feel like it is as though the whole family +1 is coming to my backyard and I'm not allowed to come outside. And no matter what they say, it still hurts.

I know there's not much they could do at this point to make it better. Even if I were invited at this point- I wouldn't want to go. It would be Senior Prom all over again. Going to make others happy. Though the whole time I would know I wasn't really welcome or wanted. Hell, Senior Prom ended with me running out crying, driving home, stripping of my beautiful white dress and crawling into bed to cry.

* I've been requested to put in a side note. It was not "butting in" they were "invited" to join. But the point is that it was a "Toby and Nikki" trip to start with. Then the parentals were added. It was not an "all together from the beginning" trip.

Opinions Needed

So I have good news and bad news.

Good News: I have survived my first week of 6:45am morning starts and 7:45am classes. I've learned a lot and really surprised people when I got excited over having homework and tests. I'm just happy to have a teacher who actually wants to teach and expects me to learn. :D

Bad News: My parents are whipped. I'm so hurt, that I bawled today. Straight out sobbed like a little kid and still hours later my eyes are swollen. So I don't care if they think I'm airing dirty laundry I want some outside perspectives. So I ask everyone to chime in. Please. My parents and older brother and his girlfriend are all coming to Europe at the beginning of May. They are going to Sardinia. My brother told my parents that I couldn't get time off. (which is not true) and he told them that I was not allowed to go (allowed!?!). He doesn't want to see me. Five months I've been in Europe since I left home after the holidays. Five months and my one and only brother does not want to see me. What makes this worse- is that my parents are going along with him. Not once have I excluded him. Not once. The fact that my parents would pick him blatently over me- to exclude me when they say that want to do a annual europe trip as a family- this being the first one I suppose- is awful. It's as though I'm not even apart of the family.

This morning I called my parents ecstatic that I had found a fabulous rate from Stuttgart to Sardinia. I was actually jumping up and down with excitement. I called my parents (woke them up actually) because I needed to book the fare before it was taken. Thinking that since I had this great fare that I could join. I could borrow the family's sleeping bag- it's under my bed anyways. But no. I'm not allowed to come. Not an idea which stems from my parents. But rather- one that stems from my brother.

Tell me what you think. I want your opinion.

(Don't get me wrong- my parents will visit me- but the week after they spend a week with Toby and Nikki)