A month in review

I haven't posted in a long time. Looking at this blog brings back the memories of Dorothee's treachery. And it's painful. I am soooo mad at her. I wish I had said so many things to her. I wish I had stuck up for myself a great deal more. I was quiet so much because I didn't want to upset her. I saw her as a friend, and I treated her as such. I think I've learned a great deal- I just hoped the overall experience hasn't put me off too much. I try to look at the good things, but it's hard.

But since my last post- I have moved to Colorado Springs. It's not bad here. There is a large German population- I've found a German bakery, and I found a job- though it's not what I would have wanted. I'm a waitress at Mimi's Cafe. I never knew how much work went into being a waitress. I have to not only serve food and get drinks, I have to make bread baskets, muffins, soup, salads and desserts. It's exhausting. Plus I only work a few hours a day- so I'm still looking for a fuller job.

This morning I went for a job interview. I think I did very well. :D YAY! But while I was rushing around trying to get around, I tripped over Holly, flew through the air and landed- breaking my little toe. Damnit. So now I'm laying on the couch, icing my foot, and watching movies.

But I do have some good news- Thomas bought a ticket to come see me a few weeks ago. He will be here October 15th at 7:30pm. I'm so happy about this! He's coming for three months while he tries to find a job. :D I miss my Thomas. Every day he emails me, sometimes he calls, and often we chat online. Thank God for the internet. :D

There's a lot that has happened and it's hard to mention it all. But I do know I'm moving on with my life. And Dorothee can go screw herself... yeah.

SQUEAL!!!

SQUEAL!!!! Check this out!

See See! I got an A+ on that stupid, awful, terrible HWC 2 final! I've never done that before! And because of it, I got an A in the class!!! (That oughta help my GPA.) I'm just so excited. This means ...*drumroll please*.... that I will semi-officially be an August 2009 University of Kansas School of Journalism Graduate!!!! :D C'mon. Say it with me.

"SQUEALLLLL"

Since I Left Germany

It's been 9 days since I left Germany. And while I don't cry as much- I still want to go back. But the hurt is fading. Thomas still says he wants to come. Melly and friends say they want to visit. Will I ever see any of them again? I don't know. Time will tell.

I've taken the opportunity to hang out with my friends. I've gotten coffee (or smoothie in my case) with Jessica. I've hung with Annie and Betsy, and I'm looking forward to a reunion with my friends on Friday. There are bright spots. But there's a lot of sadness.

Coming home has felt like stepping through a portal. Two lives both lived by me- but completely different still. The food here is... delicious- but my tummy isn't used to it and it sits strangely. I've also had an obscene amount of headaches since coming home. I'm stressed beyond belief over having no job prospects (no matter how hard I look) and having even less money.

While I'm thankful my parents have let me settle back under their roof- my dad reminds me constantly that the roof and food aren't free and there's a price to be paid for all of it. This price comes with me doing things for him and not looking for jobs. (granted- I could be doing that now- but I've pretty much given up hope. I'm going to go the temp route).

Holly had her eye removed last Friday. One of her eyes was all scarred over, red and swollen. We decided to go ahead and have it taken out for reasons I don't think you really want to hear. She is now my pirate puppy who we have decided to teach to say "Arrrrr"- she's getting closer.

Oh, and I got one grade back. I have an A in my 1960's class. Was there any doubt? :D

Last Post as an Au Pair

(Written during layover in Chicago before last leg of Journey to back to KC)
I cannot possibly explain how much I do not want to be in America at this moment. The second my foot left the ground to climb the stairs which would take me the plane and away from Stuttgart- I swear my heart stopped for a beat or two. I was so not ready to leave, and the thought of leaving Germany was breaking my heart. Saying good-bye to my friends as we all shed tears was so painful. Saying good-bye to Thomas, seeing him off on his s-bahn so he could go to work, and I to my gate- had us both red eyed. The texts he sent me, saying we must not be parted… that can please please please God, don’t let me leave. Hurt so much. Oh course I’ll be happy to see my KC friends again. But on Friday I have to tell them bye too. Then I go to Colorado for I don’t know how long. To a place where I know no one. I have no friends. And I do not want to be.


Poor Melanie. She wanted me to stay so bad. She asked her parents if she moved out of the house, could I have her room. lol. She’s so sweet, and that makes leaving her that much more painful. Ever since Dorothee told me I had to leave, I have felt as though an invisible force were pulling me forward, to a place I don’t want to be. I’ve been leaning back and away, digging my heels into the ground, trying to stop being pulled to the inevitable- but I can’t stop it. I know I have no control, and I hate it.



Right now I’m sitting at gate B8 in Chicago. Waiting for my final flight to Kansas City. And all I can think about is how much I don’t want to be here. When I get home, I’m going to cry myself to sleep. I have cried the last few days, I cried in my friend’s arms, I cried in Thomas’ arms. I cried in bed, and in the shower. I cried on every leg of this journey. And I wonder when my tears will run dry.

Hold me like you'll never let me go. Cuz I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't even really know where to begin. I could start with 'Dorothee kicked me out of the house' or I could go with 'Well, folks, I'm going to be home tomorrow. Even though I should be home in two more weeks'. But I think I'll go with 'My heart is breaking, not for no longer seeing my host family, or because I wasn't allowed to tell the girls bye- but because I now have next to no time to tell my friends good-bye.'

I could write all that happened- and it may be easier for me to write it here, rather than repeat it over and over later- but I'm so emotionally drained that... itt's just that it all hurts to much. I feel so betrayed. But beyond my feelings connected to the family- I'm mostly hurting because I have to leave my friends.

Things between me and Thomas are as usual a rollercoaster. Though we are currently friends if nothing else- I still love him, and telling him bye hurts. I knew it would. But it's better than when we are not good. I told Marion and Kalbchen good-bye yesterday. I told Sarah bye just an hour ago. In the morning at 6:30am Judith, Melly, Little Sarah and I will go to the airport to drop me off before they all go to work. And I will say good-bye to the rest. My flight is at 1:20pm. Luckily, instead of waiting 6 hours on my own, Thomas is going to come to the airport- or I will go to his house- and we will hang out after I have checked in until it's time for me to go back and go to the gate. Thank goodness he doesn't work until 1pm- otherwise this would be a very lonely wait.

I'm happy to go home. I just want more time here. It's just not enough. I don't feel sad about not seeing Dorothee or Alex again- at this point I'm too betrayed and hurt. I wish I could have told the girls bye- but I was never really very close to them. There has been so much I could not say on this blog before because Dorothee read it. But now... well, just because they weren't posted, doesn't mean I didn't write it all down.

This year has been.... interesting. I've learned much- and much of it was learned the hard way. I probably could have avoided a lot of trouble if I had just listened to other people. But I don't think I would have really learned anything then. Or at least- not as much.

I've just been trying to enjoy my final time here, and I have. On Thurday Judith and Melly picked me up and took me to Judith's house. We then cracked open the wine. Friday I went to Kindi with Judith and then left to go see Thomas and then to cancel my bank account and other stuff. Then I met up with Judith and Melly again in Wendlingen (where Judith lives) and we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant and then to see Harry Potter 6 in German. It would have been better had Melly and I not slept through it. Saturday I went shopping for plane stuff with Melly then went and had lunch with her and her family. We then picked up Little Sarah and the whole gang met at Judith's to go eat at DockSeven in Esslingen with live music and then we went dancing at Dick until 3am. This morning I went to the Fildorado to hang with Thomas for two hours before I went to Esslingen to meet with the gang for brunch. Since then we got ice cream and have been hanging at Judith's since then. Relaxed and chilling. My stuff is packed, and... this song is hitting close to home. So I will finish with it.

*Sigh*

I really hate having to learn lessons- which I should already know- the hard way. I mean, really, any one of my friends in my position would be getting some really excellent advice from me. But unfortunately me advising myself- really doesn't seem to work so well. Ah well. Good news- Closure secured. I met with Thomas in Stuttgart for Starbucks this morning. We talked. It was good. I got the closure I needed, and we are remaining friends. I told him although I have feelings for him- he just can't give me what I need right now. I deserve better. Overall, I'm feeling so much better after talking with him. I think I can safely go on my final weeks and enjoy the time I have- whether I will hang with him again or not, I don't know. But I've learned not to expect too much (or really, anything) from him. Because he can't be counted on.


I need someone who I can depend on. Who when he says he will do something- I know he will. It can't be a "possibly". But things are now on a much more positive note. Added to that- I finished my classes. I'm completely done and with only three weeks left until I go home- I'm looking to enjoying them. I think I will continue to hope that Thomas gets himself cleaned up- but I won't hold my breath. He still says he loves me, and that he wants to visit me in America- I told him I would love to have him visit- but he would have to get himself cleaned up first. (good luck!)

I would also like to thank everyone who has been putting up with me through this whole thing. (Dorothee, Gina, Jessica, Davia and my mom- there are others too, but these people are probably the ones who are most sick of me and Thomas). Ummm... yeah. Sorry. I'll make it up to you at some point. Thanks for the ears and shoulders.

I'm Famous

Article that was on the Jahnschule website and Amtsblatt

Basically, I took my midterm at the local school. and they were really happy that an American University thought they were important enough to proctor my exam. This is after having had such a hard time finding a place to take it to begin with. I take the last one tomorrow. Woo hoo!

Hypotheticially Speaking...

I was sitting around (before heading for another fun filled day of studying) and watching Hype7 videos. I miss my buddies. Oh, and for those who don't know- the Hypothetical Seven was my improv comedy troupe I was a member of before coming to Germany. Here's one of their videos featuring: Joe, Nifer, Jessica- and her daughter Brianna. And Jen- filming.



Ahhhh the funness to be had!

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Tomato Mozzerella Salad

Okay there is this truely amazing thing known as "Tomato Mozzerella Salad" and let me tell you my friends. It is truely a thing of beauty. I have to have it at least once a week. (I would have it every night- and will have in every night in America- but here in Germany Dorothee puts in on a once a week cap) I have talked about it a lot- and now I shall pass on the recipie to you. (lucky lucky you!)

Tomato Mozzerella Salad

Lot of cherry tomatos - about 30 or so

Chop into quarters or half 'em (bite size)

*****

Then find a ball of mozzerlla (this could be tricky)

You want it to be about the size of 1.5 fists

(I'm doing my best to describe measurements)

Cube the sucker into bite size about 1 inch cubes

*****

Soak Mozzerella in the following mixture:

(it's all approximate- so flavor to taste- easy with the vinegar at first)
1/4 cup- Olive Oil (Dorothee suggests going out and getting the good stuff)
1/4 cup- Balsamic White Vinegar
1.5 Tbsp of Djion Mustard- the stuff here as a real kick
1 Tbsp- Honey
1/8 tsp- Pepper (Dorothee has a pepper mill- I don't know if this makes a difference)
1/2 tsp Basil

If there's not enough of a kick add vinegar and mustard.

If there's too much kick then add oil and honey.

Let the mozzerella soak for a few minutes then add the tomatoes.

Mix and eat.

It's sooooo good.

Okay. Enough chat. I'm going to go eat mine now. :D

Damn You KU!

*Shakes fist at in a westernly direction*

DAMN YOU KU!!!

*Slumps away, shoulders sagging into the sunset*

KU is once again asking me to bend over for a rectal exam. ugh. I'm trying to graduate- that's all I want to do. I've spent the last year slaving over two classes which have nothing to do with my major. Pop Culture in the 1960s and History of Western Civilization Part Deux. Which as a Strategic Communications major I have to say "huh?"


I'm nearly done- so close I can taste it and what do I get for my troubles?

Damn it!!!

I'm sooo close and now the KU website has decided to revolt against me. They claim that since I have not "attended" KU (in the physically there sense) since Spring 2008, that I'm no longer in the system.

****

*Hey Dorothee! Where's that animation of the bunny banging his head on the wall? I want to insert it here.*

Why does it have to hurt so much?

It doesn't matter how bad he is, or how bad he is for you. When you fall in love, and your heart is broken- it literally hurts like hell. It doesn't matter how much you find out, or how little he deserves your tears. It still makes you cry, choking on your tears and sobbing into your pillow. I find myself unable to sleep, realizing I haven't eaten hardly anything in 24hours and I just want to hide from myself so it won't hurt anymore.I saw Silvia "the ex", everytime I went to try to talk to and break if off with Thomas. She was always there. Finally Thursday, we (Silvia and I) talked. This was something that Thomas had been trying to avoid. But since we were at his work, and he must have been severely warned about me, he couldn't do anything.

The Truth As Told By Silvia:

She's still his girlfriend. He occasionally picks up other girls to spice up the relationship. But he goes home after being out with me, and tells her everything that happens- because he believes that telling her when he cheats is better than doing it behind her back. Everyone at Fildorado knows about both of us. They said nothing. I don't want to show my face there, I must be one big joke. He "earns" his money himself. He has a "rep" to be protected, he's some sort of "badass" in Stuttgart and he fights at the drop of a hat.

I...I'm so stupid. And as much as I know that I'm sooo much better off without him. It still hurts soooo bad. Because I miss what I had. What I thought I had. I was so happy in May. Things didn't really start to fall apart until June- at the hospital.I'm done. Totally completely done. I don't need this shit. I don't. Nor do I deserve this shit. God! I can't believe how badly I pick them. I'm not sure if I should walk away or do my level best to make his life a living hell for what he put me through. Any ideas? I know what he does, and what he has stashed at his house. If I keep showing up at his work, I can get him fired. Or does someone have a more devious idea? Or should I just throw up my hands and stay away. I don't know what to do. I wish I was home. I wish I was home surrounded by family and friends. I have Dorothee here, but my other friends are completely absent to date. I haven't seen them since mid-May. I just want to go home. I think I would feel so much better. At home I have friends who will help me bury Thomas' godforsaken body. Here.... I don't have my support system. Though Dorothee's been great... it's not the same.

Shoes!!!!

You may be wondering why Dorothee's smiling. And why does her outfit require a photo? I would like to point out the shoes on her feet. Sure the black doesn't match the white outfit- don't worry, she changed into white shoes- as soon as she realized that they fit her feet! That's right. She's out of the cast, she's out of the astronaut boot and she can wear shoes again! It's awesome!!! Smiles all around for Dorothee's ability to wear shoes! Hip Hip Hooray!

HA!

Bathwater

Read the lyrics.

Know my thoughts.

I'm letting go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee3nUSyxdBE

Nearly There...

Muahahaha Hee hee hee hee hee!
I just sent in my last paper today! Now I just need to order my finals tomorrow and I'm in business. I take my finals next week and then I am ready to request graduation. All I need to do is request graduation by July 15th then I'm an August 2009 Graduate!!! Woo Hoo!!!

Now all I have to do is study... a lot. I'm not really worried about the 60s final- because I've aced everything so far. But the History of Western Civ. could be an issue. I got a D on the midterm and if I get an F on the final I automatically fail the class- NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Horror of horrors! So I'm really going to be working hard on this. Damn thing is comprehensive too. Ugh.

Oh, and I found out that Thomas is in trouble at work because I come there too often. Oops! But really, as long as he gets his work done what is the big deal? I'm a fit and swim member so if I want to study by the pool, really, they can kiss my ass. But I don't want to get him in trouble. Shit. Oops.

Fixin' Problems and Makin' Progress

I've decided to make my blog more private and less out in the open. So I've switched the web address. Unfortunately- this is a pain in the ass. But it's now done. The only real downside is that I had to change the imported blog on my facebook and that caused it to get rid of all my messages and comments that friends had left. Damn it! I liked those. Oh well, I'm now a bit smarter about my blog. If nothing else I'm learning. ... I hope. I think most people go to my blog through facebook or my website- so I don't think I lost anyone I know. Otherwise I don't really care too much. (sorry.)

In addition, I've decided to change my blog so that only people I've invited can read it. I've just been talking to much about everything recently. If you want to continue being able to read my blog you have until July 5th- so one week- to send me your email address and how I know you. Otherwise you will no longer be able to read my blog. That or be on my facebook friends list. Soooo yeah. There it is. I'm going private.

Okay, so I sent out the 60s final paper yesterday and today I worked really hard on my other paper and I expect to have it finished tomorrow. I will then send it in Monday and be ready to take the finals next week. Woo Hoo! Hmmm I wonder what it's like to have no school worries. It's been so long...... There will be partying on the end of finals night- that I can tell you. :D

The Creeping Crud

I've got what my dad would call "the creeping crud"- which basically means I'm sick. I started feeling sick last night. Then during the night I started sweating and having chills now. Now I'm completely feverish, still doing to sweating/chills thing, and my stomach is revolting against me. Ugghghh. I don't feel good.

And to make matters worse, my mind is being messed with again...I think... I don't know. God, I'm tired of this. I'm really ready to come home. That's one nice thing about coming back. I just get to drop the baggage off at the plane terminal and walk away from it. Let it solve itself and leave it at that.

I'm still working on my last paper. I'm going to rope some people into looking at it for me, then I'm going to send the sucker in and request my finals. Yay! I want to be done soooo much. One less thing to stress me out.

As far as my mind being messed with, I really want to go down to Fildorado and find out what is what, but I really don't feel well. I figure I'll see how I feel these evening and take it from there. I know where he is until 10:30pm. so I can always try to track him down. Unfortunately this crud has made me have to cancel my party plans with my friends tonight. Which really bums me out. But knowing how late they will want to stay out clubbing---it's just not a good idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

It's hard to know that you want the best for someone. To know that they deserve it, and so much more. And to know that you can't get it for them. They have to do it. I want to help, I want to do it for him, but I can't. And because in so many ways, I'm impotent- I just don't know how to deal.

I can't hand a visa to him

I can't get a job for him

I can't break it off with his ex for him

I can't stop his bad habits for him

I can't .... I just can't.

And I really want to.

But even then, I don't actually want to change him.

I just want him to be happier, and I think these things would make him happy.

But even if I could do all these things- He wouldn't appreicate them as much if he doesn't have to work for them. (I blame both my parents and Dorothee for that opinion).

In other news:

I am working on my last paper. Then I'll order my finals- take them- and be done with school...FOREVER!!! Muah ha ha ha ha!

Just a Spoon Full of Sugar...

I'm currently trying to get ready and pack everything to go to the Rheingau today. Dorothee and Alex's big shindig is starting tonight and running until Sunday. It's their combined 40th B-day party and they invited like 46 of their closest friends. It should be interesting. From what I've seen this is going to be a really fancy party- like I've never been to... okay, Cottey's Hanging of the Greens was pretty fancy- but that was a college and this is a couple. I'm excited. Added to that I finally have a reason to wear one of my cute little dresses I brought with me.

When tried on the little black dress and the little red dress Dorothee asked me where I had been hiding them. I wasn't really hiding them, I just never had anywhere to wear them. But I do now, and I'm excited. I even went and bought new shoes. They are high heeled, open toed, white with black lace cover with a patent leather bow. (that description was more for the female readers than the males.) I've very excited. I will post party pictures of my getup. Oh, and what makes me super excited is that I'm going to wear the red dress- which- since I've been working out so much and have lost quite a bit of weight (especially in but and waist) I look really good in it!

There is one part of this trip that makes me just want to say "no, that's okay. You can go without me." and that is that for over 2 hours I'm going to be sandwiched between the hulking kiddie seats in the backseat of the Land Rover. And while you may think-- Land Rover's are huge. What are you talking about?- well. Not big enough. I'll have to post a picture- but it's a damn tight squeeze- and I'm caustrophobic. Not a fan of small spaces. They make me panic attack-ish. ugh.

In other news:

Thomas and I have returned to our pre-hospital state of happiness. I get to see him everyday- which like a spoon full of sugar- makes the medicine of work, papers, school, homesick, and stress go down. In a most delightful way. lol :D I'm looking forward to the party today- but I'm going to not see Thomas for THREE DAYS! *gasp of horror* I KNOW! It's terrible- but somehow through the miracle of cell phones- I plan to survive. :D


Dorothee got the cast taken off and an astronaut boot replaced it. I'm really happy that at least she can somewhat walk now. Which is good.

Carola's sneaky gene still hasn't quite got it right yet. I guess she decided she didn't want to eat the stuff her mom packed for her for snack at school. Instead of getting rid of it in a trashcan between here and school (the sneaky thing to do) she instead threw it away in her bedroom trashcan. Which - HELLLO!!!! Is completely findable. And find it Dorothee did. And screaming- Dorothee did. Completely reasonable. Carola is very bad at following rule number 1- because she always gets caught- (Let's hope it stays this way... the getting caught part).

************

*Added on after Original Posting*

I feel I have to come back and add this.

(Writing is how I work things out, deal with me.)

----------------

How stupid is this? I saw him about 13 hours ago- I saw him twice yesterday and I'm going through withdraw. Whenever I'm away I miss him almost immediately. I've never been wrapped up in a guy like this. If I were on the outside looking in I would think "Holy Shit! A Stalker!"- then I would run for cover. I think that's why the whole "Living with Psycho Ex" thing drives me crazy. I just can't stand the idea. It makes me nuts.

---

Like- okay stupid I know, but I went onto her Kwick site (undercover) and found pictures of her, him and his brother all posing together at a nightclub party. It was a picture taken by a PR agency so I verified that they were out clubbing together during that time period that I was all sad because he wasn't contacting me. He's partying while I'm sad- that sounds wrong. But then again, so what? Why shouldn't he have a good time? They are still friends...of the opposite sex....who dated for years.....who live in the same apartment...... ugh. *slams head onto desk*

---

I'm such a stalker. I hate this. I've never been wrapped up in a guy like this and I hardly recongize myself. I feel like slipping my head into my plastic H&M bag and breathing deeply. (Don't worry, I won't). But I don't like how this makes me.

---

SEE!!! This is why I don't normally do relationships.

It makes people crazy. ---Or just me? I don't know.

But as crazy as it makes me- I don't want to stop.

And I can't wait for Sunday when I get back.

I think I'll go surprise my sweetie at work. :D

My mind is like a game of Pong- what else is new?

Okay so this post has two purposes. One to info- the other to update.

-Inform-

Did you know that it's posh to have a lisp? According to Dorothee- this is so. We are currently watching a renovation show. And the announcer makes me crack up everytime she talks about the people being on "sched-schual"... hahahaha. OMG! I love it. She talks about "sched-schual" and I just want to roll on the ground giggling my silly head off. Oh, and Dorothee told me another one that is considered "posh" by the Brits "Is-sue" Instead of issue. OMG. If you really want to have fun- go to your boss and tell them "Excuse me sir, but I have a 'Is-sue' with this 'Sched-schual'". hee heee hee. Ahhhh the Brits.

-Update-

Let me put the Thomas thing these way. I went to see him this morning. On the way I wrote the first part of this thing. Then on the way home I wrote the second.

8:19am

Will I be strong enough to do what I think needs to be done?

Will I be smart & wise enough to see truth through the fog of love?

Will I be brave enough to say the things I fear & deal with the outcome?

1:30pm

I'm not strong, I'm not smart or wise. And I am not brave.

I'm in love.

In otherwords, nothing is really ironed out. But I did figure out something important. I had forgetten that since he's on facebook and one of my friends, he has access to my posts that automatically go there too. Oops.

So since he noticed and was going to read the last post anyways- I read it to him. Let's just say I think he understands now (if not before) that this whole ball of shit is really upsetting me. Will that change anything? - probably not... or may so... I'm not sure. But I do know that there are only three ways this is going to end: 1.) Either he's bad and I find out. 2.) he's good and I have to leave him. Or possibly 3.) He's good and he's coming back with me to the US. So basically there's a 66% change of getting hurt. So I want the time that I can get, while I'm happy. Soooo yeah. I may be stupid- but aren't people supposed to be occasionally? If so- I'm cashing my ticket.

Learning the Hard Way

Cover my eyes so I can't see

Tell me things I want to believe

Whisper sweet lies so lovely I burn

I promise that I will never learn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met with Thomas at the gym today. I had practiced everything I was going to say. I wasn't going to take this treatment anymore, but when I saw him... I remembered everything I love about him.

I wish this was easier. I really do. But the problem is that I've never in my life wondered if someone was lying to me. I've always just assumed everyone tells me the truth. Which is stupid. Because it's impossible for everyone to be telling you the truth 100% of the time.

I honestly don't think he's trying to hurt me. I also don't think he's actually an asshole. I think he just doesn't know how to get himself out of the rock and a hard place he has with his ex-girlfriend.

I've decided that the best that can be done is for me to take myself out of the equation. I want to remain his friend, but more distant- since nearness equates to heartache. I can't be with him while he's living with her. He may not know how to get himself out of the pain his choices cause him, but I don't have to live with his choices. I really don't want to give up on him- if he leaves her while I'm here- I'll skip along back to him. But... looking into the mirror at my bloodshot and shiny with tears eyes. The swollen red nose and the tissues scattered around my desk... I just can't continue to do this. Which really makes me sad. I do deserve better than what I'm getting. It's not so much him trying to hurt me, as much as not stopping the factors in his life from effecting me.

Yes Waiter, I'd like some Stress, with a side of Stress and please hold the antidote

Well, it's official. Dorothee purchased my tickets home today. I'll be leaving from Stuttgart at 11:55pm and arriving in Denver, CO at 6:25pm on Monday, August 3, 2009. Nearly 14 months after I first arrived here. And honestly... I'm ready to go. Granted, my opinion of this "readiness" changes daily- (mostly depending on how much stress I'm feeling here, and if a certain boy is being good to me or not)- but right now I'm ready to go home.

I've slept horribly the last week or so- mostly since the shit with Thomas started. I know in my mind that it's stupid to let a guy have that much control over you- but it's hard to explain that to both your heart and your sub-concious. Those two are very hardheaded. I think I've choosen not to look at this as giving up or going home because I couldn't hack it. I think that already after one year- I've proven that I can do this. (I just can't seem to successfully date German guys).

Oh, and Thomas stood me up last night. I'm not amused. Soooo... I'm not talking to him right now. Yeah.

I Identify with this song

Questions... the answers unknown

Last night while speaking while speaking with Dorothee we had an interesting conversation. It went something like this:

Dorothee: "Tiffany, if it looks, acts, and quacks like a duck. Chances are, it's a duck."
Tiffany: "But what if you don't have all the information to determine whether it's a duck or not. What if you are blind? How does a duck smell?"
Dorothee: "Well, then you roast 'em and taste 'em, and find out."

At this point I bust into giggle convulsions. Hee hee hee.

On the fifth day (yesterday) of supreme irriation, hurt, and downright pissed-off-osity, Thomas finally texted me:

"I love you but I have a lot of trouble to clear. And then I need time for me alone. Please give me the time! Hold on for a couple days and then you get your Thomas back. Kiss Darling."

This message both subdues me, but it also makes me pissed.

Why couldn't he say that earlier?

Why can't I help with this "trouble"?

What is the "trouble"?

Why can't he answer his phone?

Why wait five days?

Exactly how long do I have to wait?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And finally two questions he should be asking:

Will she still be here when I get back?

Will she wait around after I treated her like that?

Hmmmm.... All very good questions.

Tiffany got pissed off and wrote another poem. Beware!

I love you my dear, I want only you

No other, No, no other will do.

Your eyes, your mouth, your taste my dear

Your voice, your voice is all I hear.

°°°°°°°

Now Run. Now Hide. Now Cover your mouth

For now you must be dumb.

For my balls have rolled away my dear

and it's you I must abstain from.

°°°°°°°

Though it's you I love and no one else

its you whom I must pain

for its much to hard to stand for myself

for I've only my love to gain.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Don't think to badly about him from my poem. He's a great guy. He's just currently sufferering from Male Pattern Stupidity.

Being Better

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated. Most of the time I've been away traveling with my parents. Some of the time was because I was busy with Thomas. And now- Now it's mostly because I have nothing happy to report.

Tuesday I took my parents to the train station in Stuttgart and saw them off on their way home. I thought I would then go hang out with my Sweetie- Thomas. But he didn't respond to my calls. Over and over again. I was really getting worried, because that's not like him. Turns out while I was seeing my parents off, Thomas was being rushed to the hospital for weird heart rhythms. At one point his pulse was over 200 beats per minute. Crazy. So now the boy just needs rest, and less stress. Unfortunately this is not to be.

He still lives with his ex because it's hard to have an apartment on your own in Germany. It's really expensive. He's found a new apartment which he will be moving into at the beginning of August. So I've been understanding. Except since she showed up at the hospital while I was there with Thomas- she's kind of lost it. She actually went onto his Kwick (kind of like myspace in Germany) website and has been deleting my messages to him, and sent me a message- written by her, but under his profile- saying:

"Hello Tiffi...
I'm sorry we must cancel the conetion between us because the relaconship to my girlfriend its too importend and i love her!

So please delet my phonenumber and please dont try to call me!

Take care!"

Ha! Like I would really believe that was him to begin with. This chick is seriously out of her mind. First- that doesn't sound like him. Second- he can't stand her. Third- he never makes that many grammatical mistakes.

Unfortunately he left his iphone on the u-bahn on Tuesday when he was heading home from the hospital. (dumbass). So I can't even call him. It's all very stressful and horrible. But I will be the better woman here. (because I'm already the bigger one ;-) ) and I will not break her into a thousand little pieces as I would like to do. *Sigh* It's not easy being better than others.

Thriller

I absolutely had to share this video. William & Mary's college just broke the record for most people to perform this dance. Soooo great! haha

I still love you!

Poor Cheerios! Don't worry. Even if the FDA is mad at you. I still love you passionately!

I've been...busy. hee hee

Okay, so it turns out when I date a guy- I'm not home as much. Or at least- not at home when I'm not working. So this just doesn't get updated as much. :D I've been super busy- mostly with hanging out with Thomas. You may be wondering what he looks like. Here:

Cute yes? I think so too. :D

I have to say it completely dumbfounds me. I'm the dork. I'm the German Club President/braces wearing/bad perm/gifted education/debate/cello playing/glasses wearing Dork. So what's the cute guy doing with me? It's true- High School never ends. Because I can't get over who I used to be then.

Speaking of high school--someone will have to explain to me why the guys who were jerks to me then, think that I should add them as friends on facebook. Ha ha. As if!

There's a really goofy smile on my face

Hee hee hee

This week has gone by so fast. Seriously. I have gotten to hang out with Thomas everyday- which makes me very happy, and I made it through my morning classes without falling asleep! Yay! I also started working out regularly this week- this may have more to do with hanging with Thomas than my actual wish to be fit. :D But seriously- it's a good thing. My arms hurt from lifting weights- though it's funny as hell. I lift 1/4 the weight he does. I'm such a weenie.

Cool things I learned

Okay funny stuff that happed in Aachen

On the way to the Dusseldorf train station, I'm trying to get all of my things ready to jump out and run when I hear Dorothee say "No Paula, no one farted. I just blew the horn." This got my attention. Evidently the words for fart and honk are very similar in German so Paula got them confused. But really- that's hilarious!

When I was going to ride the motorcycle with Dietmar he knocks on my door and hands me two pairs of leather pants to try on to see if they fit. OMG Leather pants! I have never worn them before but I can tell you this. A pair of leather pants can turn a butt into an ass. Really! It's very cool. I just thought you would appreicate my insight.

Aachen in a Nut Shell

Aachen was awesome and the family was so incredible! I was picked up at the train station by Ursula (the mom) and when I went to their house I was warmly greeted by Dietmar (the dad), and Simon (the son). I helped Ursula make dinner and after a small incident with the salad dressing measuring cup (read- balsamic vinegar all over the floor) we had a really lovely meal. Simon then took me to meet up with Nick (the daughter) at a pub in Aachen. Her friends were really super nice. I really liked them. But here's the thing- out of 8- only 2 knew she was a girl. Which makes me what to ask things like: um.. which public toliet do you use? But I just couldn't bring myself to ask. We hung out and had a great time.

Friday was May 1st which is like our labor day- but with more alcohol. :D I walked around the city with Nick, and her friends Ester and Moe. We walked through the park, to the Cathedral, Town Hall, and stopped to have a beer by some old Roman ruins. Later we hung out in Moe's garden, drank more beer, then played foosball. (we determined I was a jinx and whoever's team I was placed on was bound to lose.) I ate dinner with the family then played some more foosball. Then went on a walk with Nick and Moe.

Saturday I walked into the city with Ursula in the morning, then I was left on my own to explore. I found a miniture for my collection, and bought pressies for my helpful hosts. :D I walked back to the house and (extremely tiredly)- crawled into bed for a nap. After my nap I went for a motorcycle ride with Dietmar through the Netherlands, into Belgium. We visited Ursula at her horse show practice. She and her sweet horse Travli ( I think I spelled that wrong) are participating in a horseshow where handicapped kids get to ride the horses and put on a show. It looked really cool. Afterwards Dietmar and I climbed back on the bike and winded our way through Belgium back to Germany. It was a gorgeous day. I would like to point out though- that I've never ridden a motorcycle like this before. And there was a time when I was looking into the back of Dietmar's shiny dark red helmet and seeing the reflection of my eyes staring back at me. I remember thinking: "Hmmm so this is what petrified terror looks like. hm." But really, he was a really great driver- I think this issue has more to do with the inexperienced passanger. :-) After the ride I met up with Nick again and we went to a friend of her's b-day party. It was really fun. I taught all the Germans how to play beer pong. (Very educational). :D And at 4am I dragged myself home. :D

Sunday I woke up early because I wanted to eat breakfast with the family and hand out pressies before Ursula drove me back to the train station so I could get back to Dusseldorf and ride back home with Dorothee and the girls. All and all- a great trip.

Okay, I know this post magically appeared as being posted Monday- but that's because I want to add other posts with cool info I learned. :D

Updates! Updates!

So I had my first date with Thomas last night. It was really fun. We went to Fildorado since he works there and I knew where it was. Besides- he had already seen me in my bikini so no new news there. It was fun- and we're going to get together again next week. Oh and joy- he can speak English. Which makes things easier on me. :D

I'm getting ready to leave shortly to go to Dusseldorf with the family. From there I will take a train to Aachen where I will stay with Dorothee's cousin, Ursula. It's really super nice of her to take me in for the weekend. :D I'll update you on my trip when I get back. :D

Holla yo!

I'm currently in the middle of pumping my arms up and down in the air.

Why? Read on.

1. Cute guy gave me his number- I texted. And now have a date for tomorrow night! Woo hoo! Turns out he was really nervous and had to work up courage to ask me out. He had also been afraid that I the kids were mine. (Since he usually sees me when I bring the girls to the pool.) and that I was already married. (as if!) I assured him I was only the au pair. :D I feel like it's at the end of the Scooby Doo episode and I should be saying "..and I would have had him too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!" But everything worked out- so I don't have to curse their non-existant dog either.

2. Carola just came back after going to her friends house. She rang the bell- I leaned out my window like the gatekeeper in the Wizard of Oz and inquired as to what she required from me. She said she was just coming to let me know they were going to a different friends house. I okayed this and she ran off again. Be still my beating heart! She can be taught! She actually let me know where she was going and this thrills me to no end since we were having such trouble before. Woo hoo!

Now for a change in subject.

Hee hee hee. Okay so I took the girls to the pool today. As we were walking to the bus I told Carola I was excited about getting to see the cute guy who works at the pool. Carola said "Oh, you mean the one with the brown hair?" That's right- even she could tell. So we go to the pool. And he's there! Long story short- he says he likes it when I come, what's my name, how old am I? I tell him, learn his name is Thomas, and assure him- I don't have kids. Then sly-ly as I'm putting the dishes on the rack he walks over lays a piece of paper down with his name and number on it, and walks away... smiling at me over his shoulder. *squeal* I'm sooooo calling later tonight! Wish me luck!

Things everyone should know

The majority of people I know back in America haven't a clue how to make international calls. Oh, there's cells and landlines- but when people think of these methods their wallets start to scream. But they never think of using technology. That's right folks. The wonders of the 21st Century are astounding and for the select few who dare to release the death grip they have on their rotary dial telephones, they will behold treasures beyond compare. For these select few will discover the wonders of the internet.

Not just email, IM, and such cool features. But the fact that from Skype you can actually call someone's phone who lives abroad... say in... I don't know...let's say Germany. And instead of making your wallet take out a restraining order on you, it will make your wallet sigh in releif and instead give your coin purse a small case of gaping mouth. Because it literally costs pennies. That's it folks- pennies.

Without this technology people would otherwise have to wait.

They will have to wait to be called.

Now. On a happier, less informative note: Six year-olds are by far the most devious when it comes to plotting revenge. Why? Because they are creative as hell and it's really easy for them to talk their fellow ankle biters into helping out in the manic mischief. I loved it when Carola was telling me what she would do to certain people. There were sticks and kicks. Dogs and Dandilions. Dandilions? Yep. With this one the bad person is asked to smell a dandilion and then when they do the sinister 6 year old would then pop the yellow flower onto their nose and make their nose YELLOW! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!!! (I was laughing sooo hard.) I also loved it when she said "He's so very really dumber than dumb". Hahaha I lovvvveee that. She sounded like Lola from Charlie and Lola. If you don't know who they are, click here: it's worth it.

Bleed

As many know I write poetry when I'm upset. I actually really like this one I just wrote. I want to share it: If you can't read it click on it. I wanted the words positioned just -so- so I had to do it in a word document and do a screenprint... long process.

Pour Some Sugar on Me

This weekend, I have every intention of putting myself into a self-induced sugar coma. (Just bought supplies for this special endeavor- and no Dorothee, I won't hand them over). If successful, and I get to jittery- I have new books in my room to keep me out of the way. But with enough sugar I think it eventually coats your heart and things don't hurt as much. I appreicate all the support from my friends. Since my post yesterday I did get some new information. There is one thing which, for the last six months this has been tearing me up, I had not been told. I found out that this trip was originally a Nikki and Toby trip which my parents butted in* on. So technically it was not a "family" trip to begin with. It just turned into one. Does that make it right?

Not sure. I do know two things:

1.) I should have been told about this little fact.

2.) It should have come from my family.

(Though my informant is close to being family)

I still feel like it is as though the whole family +1 is coming to my backyard and I'm not allowed to come outside. And no matter what they say, it still hurts.

I know there's not much they could do at this point to make it better. Even if I were invited at this point- I wouldn't want to go. It would be Senior Prom all over again. Going to make others happy. Though the whole time I would know I wasn't really welcome or wanted. Hell, Senior Prom ended with me running out crying, driving home, stripping of my beautiful white dress and crawling into bed to cry.

* I've been requested to put in a side note. It was not "butting in" they were "invited" to join. But the point is that it was a "Toby and Nikki" trip to start with. Then the parentals were added. It was not an "all together from the beginning" trip.

There's a Darwin Award in this man's future

Man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls

Thu Apr 23, 9:11 pm ET
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. – Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge. Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.
The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.
The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomingtin Police Department.
Police from Bloomington and Eagan responded, and the Eagan Fire Department used a chair lift to retrieve the man. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center where was treated.

Opinions Needed

So I have good news and bad news.

Good News: I have survived my first week of 6:45am morning starts and 7:45am classes. I've learned a lot and really surprised people when I got excited over having homework and tests. I'm just happy to have a teacher who actually wants to teach and expects me to learn. :D

Bad News: My parents are whipped. I'm so hurt, that I bawled today. Straight out sobbed like a little kid and still hours later my eyes are swollen. So I don't care if they think I'm airing dirty laundry I want some outside perspectives. So I ask everyone to chime in. Please. My parents and older brother and his girlfriend are all coming to Europe at the beginning of May. They are going to Sardinia. My brother told my parents that I couldn't get time off. (which is not true) and he told them that I was not allowed to go (allowed!?!). He doesn't want to see me. Five months I've been in Europe since I left home after the holidays. Five months and my one and only brother does not want to see me. What makes this worse- is that my parents are going along with him. Not once have I excluded him. Not once. The fact that my parents would pick him blatently over me- to exclude me when they say that want to do a annual europe trip as a family- this being the first one I suppose- is awful. It's as though I'm not even apart of the family.

This morning I called my parents ecstatic that I had found a fabulous rate from Stuttgart to Sardinia. I was actually jumping up and down with excitement. I called my parents (woke them up actually) because I needed to book the fare before it was taken. Thinking that since I had this great fare that I could join. I could borrow the family's sleeping bag- it's under my bed anyways. But no. I'm not allowed to come. Not an idea which stems from my parents. But rather- one that stems from my brother.

Tell me what you think. I want your opinion.

(Don't get me wrong- my parents will visit me- but the week after they spend a week with Toby and Nikki)

Under the Big Top

Today I planned another cool "adventure" for the girls. We took blankets out into the garden and using lawnchairs we created a tent. It was really cool. At first Carola was rolling her eyes and saying "whatever" (what 6 year old says that about a tent in the yard?) But by the end of the afternoon she was sad to go back inside and away from her fun. (Score one for the au pair!) Pictures are posted on flickr. Click on link on the left.

Oh, special pictures of Paula using me as her matteress. (her idea. not mine)

Biking Adventure

I did end up making Carola write me and her mom each a letter. I'll place a photo of them here.

Afterwards I took the girls on a bike ride. It was really fun- we had a picnic under a tree and the girls went off picking flowers and we laid around on blankets reading the books we had brought with us. The whole time Carola was exclaiming "This isn't a bike ride- this is an ADVENTURE!!" It was really cute. There are pictures posted on flickr- just click on the link on the left.

Here we go again

I hate losing things. I especially hate when that "thing" is a kid. Yep, I lost a kid. Though I must say it was not entirely my fault. Carola came to me and said she was done with her homework and she wanted to know if she could go to her friend, Lisa's, house. I was like "yeah okay" because, noramlly that is okay. But when I sent Paula to join Carola at Lisa's house- I found out she wasn't there. Nor was anyone else. Carola was AWOL.

An hour and a half, three searches and a few worries later- Dorothee found her at a different friend's house. (This was after I found out she had been at yet another friend's house.) So there was kind of a trail...ish.

So, with frustration simmering in my veins- I plan my revenge. I'm not sure what it will be. But there will be something. I told Dorothee I think I want Carola to write each of us a letter of apology- one in German and one in English. (I'm evil- but I think I like it).

Honestly

Honestly!
by Nancy Moran(c)
1998

...............................................................................
I’m tired of playing games
I’m tired of telling stories
I’m tired of being everything I’m not
I’m tired of trying to please you
I’m tired of not making money
And I’m tired of everything I haven’t got

---------------------------------
But honestly I’ve tried
Honestly I’ve listened
And I honestly don’t give a shit
What you think of me
And honestly I’m scared
Honestly I’m worried
That this is all there is to life
And all there’s gonna be

------------------------------------------

I’m tired of not believing
I’m tired of chasing rainbows
I’m tired of chasing everything at once
I’m tired of being nice
I’m tired of being Nancy
And I’m tired of being everything you want

---------------------------------------

‘Cause honestly I’m selfish
Stubborn and impatient
And I honestly prefer

To be this way
And honestly I want

To make millions of dollars
Just so I can piss it all away

-----------------------------------------

I’m tired of all the driving
I’m tired of all the bullshit
I’m tired of knowing when to keep my big mouth shut
I’m tired and I’m cranky
And I’m just getting started
‘Cause I’m tired of kissing everybody’s you-know-what

--------------------------------------------------

(If you feel the need, click HERE and you can listen to the song on her website.)

The WTF Blanket

As an Ad major I endorse this message.

(That and I nearly wet myself while watching it, and simply had to pass it on.)

Good Crying and Guppies

So yesterday I went with Dorothee for my Christmas Present... in April. lol. But it's cool still. Instead of Chinese, an English movie in December. We went for Sushi, a German film in April. Sushi was amazing!!! Then we went and watched "Marley and Me" in German. Okay, I don't want to tell you the end, but I will tell you this. I cried at the end for the first time in my life! Truely, I have never cried at a movie in my LIFE! I went through two tissues. Waaaaah!!!

Oh, and Patrice and I had a talk last night/this morning and we're just going to be friends.(This talk was brought about by my irritation at his lack of availablity for the last two weeks, possibly three.) Which... okay. So I'm going to go to the gym and talk with the cute guy who works there who was making eyes at me last week. (Attention span of a guppy) :D

Something's Peekin'

So today I met Stuttgart's Dirty Old Man. I had had a lovely day of dyeing my hair, making videos, then going to eat sushi and watch the ducklings by the palace while eating ice cream. It was a very nice day.

While taking the sbahn home I was at the front of the car facing backwards. There were lots of people so there wasn't enough seats. This guy who was about 50-ish in age, was standing there by the doors holding onto one of the poles. I didn't notice anything unusual for the first few stops, then I noticed. In the three inch gap between his shirt and his pants where was some"thing" sticking out. No joke. At first I thought "Noooo. That's can't be his...." but honestly- it was. There's just.... it was. And the thing is- you know he had to know. He had to. He's just a Dirty Old Man. I'm sitting there smirking, grinning, and trying my best not to laugh my head off. No one else was noticing. There was this cute guy in a suit about my age sitting across from me. After a while he took his earphones out and I asked him if he can speak English. He said yes, so I asked him "How do you say 'can you please put your penis back into your pants?' in German?" He looked at me weird (to be expected) and I nodded to the Dirty Old Man. He cried out "Holy Shit!" Yep. That was my response too.

Here's what I figure. Every city, town and village has to have a Dirty Old Man. It's capitalized because it's a job title. I've already met Stuttgart's so the next time I see him, I know who to avoid. (It's worse when you can't tell and you get surprised.)

Slowly but surely

I slept so completely crappily last night (that's right, crappily), that I'm just miserable today. Several times during the night I had to talk myself back down from a panic attack. Why? Because of those thousands of things that aren't finished that are driving me mad.

1. School

2. DB Ticket

3. Items I need to return

4. Insurance stuff that needs to be sent

5. Money issues

Just to name a few

So this morning I woke up and got to work. So far I have gotten 2 & 3 done. I think I have 4 sorted out (I need to ask Dorothee a question to make sure it's okay), then When I drop off 2,3 & 4 I'm going to check on 5. I contacted Zak (the guy who is going to check my paper) about 1, and he says he should have it done for me this weekend. Which is just as well, since I can't go across the street and ask about a new proctor for my exams until school is back in session next week. Soooo I'm slowly accomplishing stuff. Hopefully I can sleep at some point.

Last night I talked with one of my readers! (heehee I have readers :) ) She's a new au pair here in Germany who's going through the adjustment period. (been there, done that). It's hard. I'm hoping to meet up with her this weekend. (Reason I need to check on number 5). Yay! Okay, I'm going to go accomplish number 6 now. (6- Go take shower Stinky!)

Muah ha ha *cough* *cough*

What have I been up to? Easter fun-ness. (I was going to write funness but I'm not actually sure that's a word. Personally, I love how I can add -ish -ness or -esque to the end of a word to make a new one. heeheehee). Okay where was I? Oh, yes. I have been experiencing my first German Easter. It's been interesting. Friday was Good Friday and we were going to bbq, didn't but the thought was there. Saturday we did bbq, Sunday the family bbq-ed- I was at a German/Porteguse(sp?) church so I was absent for the bbq.

Today I spent the day working on may different things that I have to get done- though strangely although I have been working all day- nothing is actually finished. Strange isn't it?

I'm really excited this week because- since the parentals are home all week- I'm not really needed. (who says everyone wants to feel needed?) So I'm planning fun times. :D I don't really have concrete plans, but I know sushi lays somewhere in my future. Hmmm.... sushi....

Dyeing Easter Eggs

Easter Egg Time!!!

The Little Actress

Okay, I have a good one for you guys. Paula had a hard (loud) day and was headed on an express route to bed. Carola asked me if she could watch "The Rescuers". I told her yes, on the condition that she not let Paula know that she was going to watch a movie. What ensued, was the worst and funniest acting I have ever seen. I told Paula to head up and crawl into her bed. Carola looks at me and goes "I'm going to bed toooo. Good Night Tiffany." She starts up the stairs, looks at me and dunks down with her finger to her lips and goes "shhhhh". Then continues up the stairs. I just about lost it. But it contined. Later I went upstairs, to put Paula to bed and Carola stretches her arms theatrically above her head and says "Boy am I tired! I'm going to bed now." Walks towards her room then "shhhhs" me again. It is sooo funny.

Her sneaky gene is starting to develop. :D

Happy Happy!

So I spent increasingly larger portions of Thursday, Friday and Saturday in Stuttgart shopping. *sigh* oh the joy to be had. I did good too. I got a long sleeve shirt, a short sleeve shirt, a tank top, two scarves, a shrug, a pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. And I got good prices too! Yay me! However what really irriates me is that I can't pick out clothes based one the styles I like. Nope, I have to choose my clothes based on if I can get the shirt to close. I really like the preppy button-up look. But I just can't find them in my size. I like the striped look- but I don't fancy looking like a watermelon. Ah well.

But I had fun anyways. The weather has been beautiful and sunny. There were so many people out the last few days that it was just crazy. But it was lovely with the sun, eating large amounts of ice cream, and going to this little sushi restaurant I found. That's right, I found sushi!!! I'm sooo happy. It's one of those sushi bars where the stuff goes around on a conveyor belt and you just take off what you want to eat. It was realllly good!

Things are being accomplished!

Yesterday I finally posted pictures from my trip with Jessica. Now if I can only get the video done. There's just not enough hours in the day. Homework, kids, gym, videos, etc. But then again, I don't think that's an ailment what will ever get better. Ah well.


So Dorothee called the place I've been taking German Grammer classes at and bitched them out because the teacher I've had hasn't actually taught any German Grammer. Nope. She's talked about American alcohol policies, American rental cars, American National parks, abusive partners, her son's cars' license plates, and any number of things I don't care about. So Dorothee now has me signed up for a class that goes from 7:45am to 10am. (I'm not sure she did me a favor-yes the teacher may teach more, but how much will I learn if I'm sleeping in the back of the classroom. :p)

Good News!

Yesterday I saw my first Ford Mustang in Germany. It was orange with black racing stripes, and turns out people who drive Mustangs in Germany, are the same as those who drive them in America. Impatient for the open road, and big on showing off how powerful they are by revving their engines. Though personally- I'm a Mustang girl, I love them. My first car I drove was a 1968 Ford Mustang (thank you Daddy). No, it wasn't mine, but I did love coming out of the gas station after paying and finding lots of guys hanging around it going "Ooooo Ahhhhh". There's a special thrill to be had when at 16 year old girl gets to wave the guys off and say "Sorry boys, me and my 'stang gotta be going."

*wink* *hair toss*.

But unfortunately these days I'm a pedestrian. Though, it would be far worse if there wasn't this great public transpo deal here. I have to love it. (because I have no other choice).

Good news, I finally got rid of the toliet paper rolls yesterday. Dorothee told the girls to stop giving them to me. (thank you!) And the girls were arguing over who got the two from the bathroom. I called them into my room and said "Take them, please!"
Woo Hoo!

That's the way it goes...

Have you ever noticed that many relationships you have with things around you are a love/hate relationships (not necessairly with people).

Like midday naps: I love the sleep- I hate waking up.

Or chocolate: I love the taste- I hate the guilt.

Or the internet: I love the entertainment- I hate the distraction.

Or relationships: I love the excitement- I hate how my mind overthinks everything.

Yep. The world is made of love/hate relationships. It's that whole "silver lineing thing". :)

So, let's see. What's new? Yesterday I went over to Patrice's. I got my but kicked on Playstation 2 again. I'm not sure what the game is called, it's Something Force and here's how badly my butt was kicked. He scores 56 kills. I had 13. I'm such a sad little killer. I'm like the poodle someone has named Killer, Spike, or OMG-I'm-a-really-terrifyingly-aggressive-dog. *hangs head in shame*. But on the positive side- Patrice cooked some truely awesome Lasagna. (no recipe just throwing things in and looking very chef-ish). I'm truely impressed and humbled by his cooking skills. (Unfortunately he has revealed his talent and therefore will be required to do repeat performances. HA!)

Then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean- Dead Man's Chest on German television. That's right, in GERMAN! Watch me rock the multi-cultural thing. Overall a really great time.

What the f*** do I do with all these?

Today is one of those days where either A.) I've got a lot to say. Or B.) I'm spending to much time in front of the computer. You choose. I just wanted to post something- then I thought "But this is a blog about me being an au pair- I need to focus." But then I woke up and realized that I'm always posting stuff that has no real revelance. (occassionally, yes- normally? no.)

So Here's my thing. See these?
Do you know what these are? These are tolietpaper rolls which the girls have been collecting for craft projects since forever (okay abou two months) but I'm seriously running out of places to put these suckers. We did one craft project with them and they just keep bring them to me.
I'm not kidding you when I tell you they have found their way home from the kids' afterschool activities. i.e. Gym. I really don't know what I'm going to do when they start bringing them home from their friends' houses. I think I'll let Dorothee explain that one if the parents start noticing.

Blogs Blogs everywhere- But where are the cool ones?

Okay, so I'm surfing the web, and trying to figure out exactly where I can find blogs that are funny, cool, and have things to say that I care about. I've tried going to blogs I like then jumping from one to another trying to find ones to follow for the fun of it, but it's actually not that easy.

I've tried looking them up online by subject- but there aren't many au pair bloggers out there. (I'm like the last unicorn- and the ark is leaving). I even thought "Hey, Blogspot has a daily Blog of Note" thing- I can go look there. (Personally I don't know how they come up with these people). Though-truth be told- I'm curious. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask my readers to submit cool blogs (your own, or others you enjoy) and I'm going to link to them (assuming you aren't someone who just posts other peoples' pictures). Or if you can tell me where to find cool ones, I would really appreicate that too. If you find anything that makes you go:

Hmmm

WOW!

or

OMG THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!!

Please send them to me.

I will continuing searching and I promise that I will only link to cool ones that fall into one of the above categories. In fact- I will go categorize them as such. :D

Okay... that wasn't expected

All for naught. I was in bed by 2:30am. I figured little party girls would be wanting to stay out later, but nope. I'm sure they may have stayed out later, but Sarah's eye was acting funky- (turns out she went to an emergency eye doctor and she has pink eye.) So in deference to her feeling crappy, we all went home early.

Oh, and happiness- I can report that wax earplugs work far better than foam ones. This morning I was awoken at 8am by the vibrations of my bed. (get your mind out of the gutter). I went into the hall and saw the light on in Paula's room. There she is jumping around dancing with a crown on her head while Bob Sinclair's "Everybody Move" blasted from a McDonald's kid's meal toy. I didn't hear the music until I was in her room. How the heck she considers this "being quiet until her alarm goes off" I really don't know.

2 am Sleepy Time

Okay so today is Melly's surprise birthday party. I know Melly is a real partygirl- she's happy if she gets to stay out partying until 6am. (I normally am ready to curl up on a corner of the dancefloor and sleep by 2am). So this afternoon I bought earplugs- slept from 2pm to 5pm and am hoping this will buying some time. Hope. But I seriously don't like trying to wake up from mid-day naps. Ugh. We'll see how long I'll make it.

I don't like it when the natives are restless

There is nothing creepier than what just happened to me. I'm sitting at my computer happily working away while Carola colors with crayons at the dining room table, and Paula plays with her puzzles in her room. Suddenly I can feel someone staring at me, and I turn to find myself 6 inches from Paula's face. She was just standing there STARING AT ME!! It was creepy. (I told her so).

She was wanting to know if her friend was home. How am I supposed to know? I really don't have any clue. Today has already been a very long day, and it is only 3:37pm. Reason for long length? Paula is wanting me to entertain her. Her friends are unavailable. I've set her to doing crafts, reading books, bicycling, doing puzzles, and nothing is working. ... Great! Now she's taken to staring at Carola. (I just got complaints) It's pretty bad when the kid starts coming towards you and you can say "No I don't know if your friend is home, no you can't stare at your sister, no you can't have gum, and no you aren't painting anymore. Anymore questions?" and the kid turns back around. Because this means that you have already answered the previous questions so many times that you know what the questions are before being asked.... again. It's going to be a loooong day.

Yay!

See anything different? That's right! It's a cooler looking blog! I've been searching since... well- about nine months now, for a better looking blog template. I want cool! I want something original! I see all these other cool looking blogs and I think *sigh* "I want". This isn't exactly one-of-a-kind but I do like it. PRETTY!!! Thanks to Lena @ http://www.simplyfabulousbloggertemplates.com/

Hmmm... A Theory.

Okay, so I think I have it. I figured it out while I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night. There was this episode where they had to perform surgery on this woman whose chemo drugs had evidently mixed badly with these herbal things that the woman was taking, and during surgery the surgeons were dropping like flies because her blood was toxic. (Not like they were drinking it, but that it was an airborne toxin.) What does this have to do with anything? Easy- this is a perfect example of what happens to me everytime I sit down to do that stupid Descartes paper. I'm focussed, I'm focussed, I'm foc... oh look, a butterfly- that's cool butterfly- do you think they get to choose their color or does it just happen, if I could be a certain kind of butterfly I'd want to be one of those kickass bright blue ones from the Amazon- I remember seeing them on this computer game I used play in elementary school- I can remember what they are called, but they look so pretty. It's like the perfect shade of blue... where was I?

Oh yes, the fact that when Descartes, like the woman on Grey's Anatomy, comes around- my brain cells start dropping like flies. It's true. I personally think this is an interesting phenomoenon. Don't you?

Woo hoo!

So I'm like freakin' eccstatic because my knitting/crocheting (crocheting for me, knitting for everyone else- because I'm a knitting retard) group. We met every week back in the fall, then November hit, and holidays came and the fit hit the shan and everyone was too busy to get together. I've been afraid that we were just going to stop all together, but it looks like we will be starting again tomorrow. Which makes me very happy. :) <- see, a smilely face!

So we are meeting and I get to show them all the cool things I've been working on. No, really, check it.

See? I'm amazing!

Pro-Procrastination Inclined

Don't you hate those days where you have lots and lots to do. But you just can't get yourself motivated? You know you should just jump in and get the stuff done because procrastination is not your friend- but you can't summon up the will to care. Yep- that's today. It's days like this I think I need a keeper. lol.

I met up with Patrice last night and we played video games (I got my ass kicked, but in my defense- I'd never played those games before.) It was really fun. I was surprised when he said that I'm the only girl he's ever played video games with. I just shrugged and said I grew up with an older brother- I played video games a lot. I think I'm going to have to go into Stuttgart and get Mario Kart, Golden Eye or something so I can kick his ass for once. ;) Anyways then we hung out for a while, watched Scrubs and later went into Stuttgart for Mickey D's. :D Nummy Nummy. Poor guy though, he had to pick up his rental car because he has to travel 4.5 hours to Dusseldorf for a work thing tomorrow. But that's not the worst- he has to get up at 5 to get there for the meeting. Ugh. That would realllly suck. I thought it was funny, he was complaining about his rental being a POS. I looked at the Mercades emblem and thought "How bad can it be?" Besides, he sure looked like he was having fun driving it. He says he's going to destroy the engine. (I think this is probably why he uses rentals for work). ;)

Okay, well, I suppose I should go back to trying to get my ass into gear. Work Tiffany, Work. FOCUS!!! lol.

Updates Abound

I can happliy report that the guy, Patrice, I met last... well, I guess it was a week ago last Wednesday... well, he's not a weirdo. He's a sweetie and I'm meeting up with him again today. Guy thinks he can beat me on N64. Ha! He's going down.

In other news, I am working like mad on my Descartes paper- yep, it's still not done, I'm a dumbass and I have limited time to finish. But I'm going to get the SOB done, that's fo' sure.

Other than those two things there's not a lot happening here. My parents are preparing to come visit me in May. They want me to plan the whole trip- which I can totally do. However they need to let me know where they want to go. (this is key) because otherwise it's not easy to plan. Maybe I should just book everything and let them be surprised. That would be nice yes? ;)