Pour Some Sugar on Me

This weekend, I have every intention of putting myself into a self-induced sugar coma. (Just bought supplies for this special endeavor- and no Dorothee, I won't hand them over). If successful, and I get to jittery- I have new books in my room to keep me out of the way. But with enough sugar I think it eventually coats your heart and things don't hurt as much. I appreicate all the support from my friends. Since my post yesterday I did get some new information. There is one thing which, for the last six months this has been tearing me up, I had not been told. I found out that this trip was originally a Nikki and Toby trip which my parents butted in* on. So technically it was not a "family" trip to begin with. It just turned into one. Does that make it right?

Not sure. I do know two things:

1.) I should have been told about this little fact.

2.) It should have come from my family.

(Though my informant is close to being family)

I still feel like it is as though the whole family +1 is coming to my backyard and I'm not allowed to come outside. And no matter what they say, it still hurts.

I know there's not much they could do at this point to make it better. Even if I were invited at this point- I wouldn't want to go. It would be Senior Prom all over again. Going to make others happy. Though the whole time I would know I wasn't really welcome or wanted. Hell, Senior Prom ended with me running out crying, driving home, stripping of my beautiful white dress and crawling into bed to cry.

* I've been requested to put in a side note. It was not "butting in" they were "invited" to join. But the point is that it was a "Toby and Nikki" trip to start with. Then the parentals were added. It was not an "all together from the beginning" trip.

Opinions Needed

So I have good news and bad news.

Good News: I have survived my first week of 6:45am morning starts and 7:45am classes. I've learned a lot and really surprised people when I got excited over having homework and tests. I'm just happy to have a teacher who actually wants to teach and expects me to learn. :D

Bad News: My parents are whipped. I'm so hurt, that I bawled today. Straight out sobbed like a little kid and still hours later my eyes are swollen. So I don't care if they think I'm airing dirty laundry I want some outside perspectives. So I ask everyone to chime in. Please. My parents and older brother and his girlfriend are all coming to Europe at the beginning of May. They are going to Sardinia. My brother told my parents that I couldn't get time off. (which is not true) and he told them that I was not allowed to go (allowed!?!). He doesn't want to see me. Five months I've been in Europe since I left home after the holidays. Five months and my one and only brother does not want to see me. What makes this worse- is that my parents are going along with him. Not once have I excluded him. Not once. The fact that my parents would pick him blatently over me- to exclude me when they say that want to do a annual europe trip as a family- this being the first one I suppose- is awful. It's as though I'm not even apart of the family.

This morning I called my parents ecstatic that I had found a fabulous rate from Stuttgart to Sardinia. I was actually jumping up and down with excitement. I called my parents (woke them up actually) because I needed to book the fare before it was taken. Thinking that since I had this great fare that I could join. I could borrow the family's sleeping bag- it's under my bed anyways. But no. I'm not allowed to come. Not an idea which stems from my parents. But rather- one that stems from my brother.

Tell me what you think. I want your opinion.

(Don't get me wrong- my parents will visit me- but the week after they spend a week with Toby and Nikki)

Well, that was a bust

Maybe it's all my imagination- but I don't think that it is. Today my mom's family came from around the Emporia area and all congregated at my brother, Toby's, house in Kansas City. It's been a long time since my side of the family has hosted Christmas, and I thought this year would be nice. I was wrong. From the very beginning I felt snubbed. No hello Tiffany"'s except from my second cousin, Taylor, who is five, and my younger cousin Trey, who is eighteen. I had to approach my aunts and uncles and almost force them to give me a hug. It was so bad I actually had to ask my grandma if I had done something to upset her. It was very hurtful. But I'm still not sure if it was intentional, or if they even had any clue how their behavior was coming across.

My baby second cousin was there, I had only seen him once before I went to Europe and I was excited to get to play with him. I picked him up and my aunt ordered me to put him back down and said I couldn't play with him. Though everyone else was able to. Taylor said she wanted to sit by me at lunch- and my aunt said that she couldn't trust me. It was really mean. Plus- this may seem poor of me, but no one asked me about how it was in Germany- not one question, though all of them knew that I was there. I didn't expect to be the center of attention, but that was unexpected. I literally had to semi-force my grandma to sit down and look at a few of my pictures online. Needless to say I've had my fill of the extra family and am done.

But it was nice to hang out with my immediate family- including Nikki and Winston. Especially since with other people present they couldn't bother me about classes. :) Currently the family has left and it's just my family. Toby and Dad are tearing apart Toby's kitchen floor to see what lies beneath- they are hoping for wood floors. I don't think they are going to get their wish.

So that's how my day's going. Woo hoo...

Hello Boys. I'm Baaaccckkk!!!

So I'm back in KC, and all I know is that this is going to have to be a short blog today because my internal clock is all messed up. I got in at about 3am this morning. Which meant that I had been up for 29 hours straight. I was sooooo tired. And.... yeah, and, my parents weren't there when I landed to complete the trip with a sentimental meeting because of the terribleness of the snow. First they didn't know when or if I had landed, and the roads in KC weren't looking so good either. I was in bed by 3:30am, cuddled up with my puppy- who had originally snubbed me, but eventually gave in to the undying love she holds for me.

This morning my mom offered to make me any breakfast I wanted- I requested biscuits and gravy. Mmmmm. Then I went to visit the girls that I used to nanny. They were great. I got christmas presents and we played hide and go seek and a electronic version of Life. It was really fun. I'm going to have to go see them a few more times while I'm home.

Then I went to my brother's house up north in KCMO, where my parents had gone up to. Mom, Dad, Toby (my brother), Nikki (who is Toby's girlfriend) and I went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant then went back to Toby's to watch Dark Knight. I slept through most of the movie (don't worry, I've seen it before) and now I'm here. Typing to you. Okay, consider yourself updated. I'm going to go sleep now. ZZZZzzzzzz