Why does it have to hurt so much?

It doesn't matter how bad he is, or how bad he is for you. When you fall in love, and your heart is broken- it literally hurts like hell. It doesn't matter how much you find out, or how little he deserves your tears. It still makes you cry, choking on your tears and sobbing into your pillow. I find myself unable to sleep, realizing I haven't eaten hardly anything in 24hours and I just want to hide from myself so it won't hurt anymore.I saw Silvia "the ex", everytime I went to try to talk to and break if off with Thomas. She was always there. Finally Thursday, we (Silvia and I) talked. This was something that Thomas had been trying to avoid. But since we were at his work, and he must have been severely warned about me, he couldn't do anything.

The Truth As Told By Silvia:

She's still his girlfriend. He occasionally picks up other girls to spice up the relationship. But he goes home after being out with me, and tells her everything that happens- because he believes that telling her when he cheats is better than doing it behind her back. Everyone at Fildorado knows about both of us. They said nothing. I don't want to show my face there, I must be one big joke. He "earns" his money himself. He has a "rep" to be protected, he's some sort of "badass" in Stuttgart and he fights at the drop of a hat.

I...I'm so stupid. And as much as I know that I'm sooo much better off without him. It still hurts soooo bad. Because I miss what I had. What I thought I had. I was so happy in May. Things didn't really start to fall apart until June- at the hospital.I'm done. Totally completely done. I don't need this shit. I don't. Nor do I deserve this shit. God! I can't believe how badly I pick them. I'm not sure if I should walk away or do my level best to make his life a living hell for what he put me through. Any ideas? I know what he does, and what he has stashed at his house. If I keep showing up at his work, I can get him fired. Or does someone have a more devious idea? Or should I just throw up my hands and stay away. I don't know what to do. I wish I was home. I wish I was home surrounded by family and friends. I have Dorothee here, but my other friends are completely absent to date. I haven't seen them since mid-May. I just want to go home. I think I would feel so much better. At home I have friends who will help me bury Thomas' godforsaken body. Here.... I don't have my support system. Though Dorothee's been great... it's not the same.