Learning the Hard Way

Cover my eyes so I can't see

Tell me things I want to believe

Whisper sweet lies so lovely I burn

I promise that I will never learn.

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I met with Thomas at the gym today. I had practiced everything I was going to say. I wasn't going to take this treatment anymore, but when I saw him... I remembered everything I love about him.

I wish this was easier. I really do. But the problem is that I've never in my life wondered if someone was lying to me. I've always just assumed everyone tells me the truth. Which is stupid. Because it's impossible for everyone to be telling you the truth 100% of the time.

I honestly don't think he's trying to hurt me. I also don't think he's actually an asshole. I think he just doesn't know how to get himself out of the rock and a hard place he has with his ex-girlfriend.

I've decided that the best that can be done is for me to take myself out of the equation. I want to remain his friend, but more distant- since nearness equates to heartache. I can't be with him while he's living with her. He may not know how to get himself out of the pain his choices cause him, but I don't have to live with his choices. I really don't want to give up on him- if he leaves her while I'm here- I'll skip along back to him. But... looking into the mirror at my bloodshot and shiny with tears eyes. The swollen red nose and the tissues scattered around my desk... I just can't continue to do this. Which really makes me sad. I do deserve better than what I'm getting. It's not so much him trying to hurt me, as much as not stopping the factors in his life from effecting me.